A Father to the Fatherless

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His Holy Dwelling.” ~Psalm 68:5 NIV

Father’s Day has always been an emotional time for me.

Knowing that I don’t have a relationship with my physical “earthly” father after I attempted second chance after second chance, this year should be affecting me pretty hard.

But it’s not.

2014, my father left. 2017 I found out he was in ICU and I was thrown into a fight of a lifetime. 2018 a few months went by of not speaking, February of 2019, I finally let go.

I hoped and hoped he’d change. I hoped he’d finally understand the trauma of the emotional abuse he’s caused.

I had forgiven him once, but this year pushed me to a new level of forgiveness.

This year so far has pushed me way beyond my comfort zone if we’re being honest.

This year, not only am I grateful for my mom as stepping up to play both mother and father roles, for my grandpa for stepping up to be both grandfather and father, and for my mom’s boyfriend for being so incredibly loving and accepting me practically as his own daughter. BUT, God has played the largest role in my life.

My journey is not perfect, not my wellness journey, not my walk with God, not even my relationships with friends and family. That’s okay though.

This year though, God has truly shown Himself to me and who He is in my life.

No, I no longer have any relationship with my biological “earthly” father. I felt almost guilty because who am I as a Christian to no longer speak with my father? After talking with several pastors and several of my close friends, I had to realize that in order to take care of ME and to allow God to take me places where I know I’m going in life, I had to fully let go. I had to fully let go of any sort of relationships that do not serve me- that are negative, emotionally abusive, and simply not supportive. That includes my father, that includes “friends”, that includes people who I follow on social media. I had to let them go.

I used to dread going on social media because I wished and wished I could share stories I never had with my father on fathers day. Until God pushed me and opened my heart and eyes to see that I in fact am so blessed by my mother, my grandfather, and my mother’s boyfriend. But He opened me to more than just that. He opened my heart and eyes to HIM.

God is my TRUE FATHER. God is my Father and that is THE most important thing in my life. God will never fail me, abuse me, let me down, or leave me. God will never make me feel guilty, make me feel like something is wrong with me. He will always love me for who I am and He will never be disappointed with me.

If my biological father is reading this- thank you. Thank you for the opportunity to come back into your life for just a short while because I know that God sent me to help you to see His Love and to fight for your life. I am doing more than just okay because I feel so much freer and maybe one day you’ll have the opportunity to understand that your daughter is so much stronger than you think. Because in just one instance early this year, I realized that it was okay to let you go, to forgive you, to love you from a distance.

My Heavenly Father is a Father to all the Fatherless in this world.

And knowing that with every cell of my being makes me feel peaceful and eternally loved.

Dear friend, if you are fatherless please know that it is okay because we have an Almighty Father and to me that is greater than anything else in this world.

Love,

Kailee

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